I get stuck. Snagged on small, distracting details or inconsistencies. Once upon a time, anxiety shrink wrapped me. It happens less off – the freeze ray of anxiety. Maybe that is time and experience. It certainly isn’t a reduction in anxiety provoking situations.
But now-a-days, if I am anxious, it propels me. I square off and tackle it.
Or I avoid it. I avoid the anxiety and I avoid the nagging things that clutter up my mind and are too often the source of my anxiety. It is usually anxiety generated by my own desire to DO THIS or DO THAT. I have a list running in my head, like a cerebral task bar – 30 opens pages minimized down at the bottom. They aren’t gone. They aren’t complete. I can’t check any of them off and close the page. Clutter. And the clutter triggers a kind of cognitive claustrophobia. And then the internal chastisement can start: that is still unfinished. When Are you going to finally do THAT?
Driving out of the driveway this morning I was reminded of one of those tasks. The muhly grass that borders the driveway. Looking scraggly and neglected like it has been sleeping rough on the streets. And the task feels onerous. Half a day. When do I have a half day to commit to weeding and shaping and restoring the muhly grass?
Then I hear the answer: do one plant a night. After work. Break it down. Take small bites. You can move a mountain one spoonful at a time. And I am tenacious. I like this solution. Nay, I love it. So, I do one plant. Tomorrow I will do the next. And that gets it done. There is no Ta Da! reveal. It’s gonna look disheveled for a bit, but I feel the momentum.
